I just learned something new from overthinking the situation with the guy. I’d never experienced someone explicitly stating attraction, engaging physically, and asking that much of my time. I had no idea of where I stood in what I wanted out of it, where it was going, the pace it was going, and if I was okay with it all. On top of this, I was jobless and stressed about finding a job.
In having never gone this far with a guy before, and particularly even more pronounced (although that 100% related) with my stress from job search, I was physically, mentally, and psychologically overwhelmed. I could not think or understand my feelings and him and failed to trust him and emotionally detached (read: shut down) myself from the whole situation with him, and became rather cold in doing so, in an attempt to cope and view the situation objectively, and to deal with the unexplored territory.
I just realized I SHUT DOWN in all situations I get emotionally overwhelmed by and don’t know how to cope. With my parents, when I actively tried to detach myself from them, emotionally. With this summer, where I suddenly found myself having lost all emotion for my lab mates after the terrible argument. And I have no idea how to change this. Once the I have detached myself from the person or situation, I find it immensely difficult to recover the feelings that were once there.