MindWanderings

The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

A psychological and physical disconnect

I feel..

disconnected.  A lack of warmth.  The craving for touch, unmet.  The craving for people who have a genuine mutual connection with me and by extension, engage in soul-bearing deep conversations about personal values and passions.  Just.. a lack of conversations that are genuine and mean something.

I miss the people I left behind.  The beautiful relationships I forged with them.  The memories.

I crave a genuine intimacy.  A hug charged by emotion and desire.  Now that I have experienced a hug where (I presume) the trust (as opposed to lust..) was enough that our chest and stomach came in contact, I crave this kind of hug.  I have come to the conclusion I really don’t need a relationship right now, I just want intimacy to fulfill my basic needs of feeling wanted, feeling loved.  I know I have options, but they are not the right options. They are people whose personal values and motivations are not aligned with mine.  I refuse to compromise my values for a fleeting physical need.

With no relationship, no close friends, I feel alien to this place.  I am tired of reforging new relationships with people not of my age.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to get out of this rut.  I’m a little sad and I feel all alone in this over saturated city.

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