The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

Archive for the month “April, 2016”

Everyone has motives.

I suspect, my well-meaning professor has something bigger in mind than our well-being and our careers when he decide to quite his governmental job and to help develop a new program at my school and to push us to do graduate work.

I suspect that he:

  1. Has become jaded with his ability to influence governmental communities and oppositions
  2. Is overwhelmed by opposition and finds it to be a difficult position to enact any meaningful change
  3. Wants to push/inspire us to continue down the route in his professorship position as he sees us as the best route to inspire and create change in policies and practices as we are tomorrow’s leaders which is why he is sacrificing a position as such for this one.
  4. As a consequence of this, he is determined to push us to continue onto graduate work and continue down this path.

Although it is clear he is brilliant & admirable and I am sure his motives are all genuine and for good reason and I am thankful for what knowledge he has imparted so passionately, my plans need to be for me, and me alone.  I do not want graduate work.  I want to survive.  That is all.

Just several things to take off my mind.

My parents – my father thinks in big pictures, my mother thinks very narrowly in a small picture.  As a result, my mother is a worry-er and gets caught up in her daily life like there’s no tomorrow and extrapolates this onto my life, wanting to control for every possible minuscule issue and as a result a very controlling person unable to see things from other people’s POV.  Meanwhile my mother cares little about others feelings and thinks there’s more to life than that and proudly plows through and mangling any relationships with any person.  So do they see and talk eye to eye?  Hell no.  They were never meant to be together.  I don’t appreciate either antic and am determined to lead a life better than both of them.

April 15 – Awkward times when your drunk ex- O-Chem TA who doesn’t recognize you, chats you up, buys the lounge pizza, and leaves you his half-drunken beer.. and then you see him at the bus stop again later that night.

April 19 – Last time it was being paid after 2 months of work. Now, I haven’t been paid for 3 months of work yet both my original and extension contracts with the department have ended.  Only the government could get away with such incompetence.  Maddening.

April 19 – I really do love my nomadic lifestyle and I’m really grateful for all the experiences I have been afforded in my defiance against complacency and through my privilege of coming from a middle-class family. But a part of me wishes I didn’t choose to job hop so much despite how exciting it is – I incur big costs for the way I live. My life has no rhyme or rhythm nor steady pay or stability. It feels like I have friends everywhere and nowhere and frankly, I am exhausted. Maybe I’m just burnt out.

Having gotten that out of my system, I will miss all the amazing people who have been so kind to me in these past couple months – but I’m off again. See you all again soon! Much love.

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