MindWanderings

The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

It’s been a week.

A week since school started.  And I haven’t seen him at all.  I’ve hounded the lab, praying maybe he’d come by.  I haven’t heard of the staff there mention his name since prior Christmas.  I REALLY hope he’s still around school and the lab because I’ve almost entirely lost hope.  And I feel a little depressed.  Or really depressed actually.  About how I’ve basically come a full circle to where I was before.  Without having said anything to move anything forward.  I just.. never change.

The moment when you realize you get excited every time you hear someone enter the lab you’re in is the moment you realize 15+hrs of doing lab work alone a week is 15hrs too many even when you enjoy the work.  Maybe I’m not nearly as introverted as I thought.  Or maybe I just really really miss seeing him there.  😦

I’m really not in a good place right now.  Sorry world.  It was me.  All because of me that I am in the negative mental place I am in.  Much like before, I should have done something.  I have no one else to blame.

I feel like I have never felt so incredibly lonely before.  I can’t tell if it’s from the lack of relationships or the lack of friends.  I just.. want to talk to people so bad.  Be with people so bad.  Anyone.  Pretty much all the people I know and love have graduated.  I don’t feel like I fit in anymore.

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