It’s been a week.
A week since school started. And I haven’t seen him at all. I’ve hounded the lab, praying maybe he’d come by. I haven’t heard of the staff there mention his name since prior Christmas. I REALLY hope he’s still around school and the lab because I’ve almost entirely lost hope. And I feel a little depressed. Or really depressed actually. About how I’ve basically come a full circle to where I was before. Without having said anything to move anything forward. I just.. never change.
The moment when you realize you get excited every time you hear someone enter the lab you’re in is the moment you realize 15+hrs of doing lab work alone a week is 15hrs too many even when you enjoy the work. Maybe I’m not nearly as introverted as I thought. Or maybe I just really really miss seeing him there. 😦
I’m really not in a good place right now. Sorry world. It was me. All because of me that I am in the negative mental place I am in. Much like before, I should have done something. I have no one else to blame.
I feel like I have never felt so incredibly lonely before. I can’t tell if it’s from the lack of relationships or the lack of friends. I just.. want to talk to people so bad. Be with people so bad. Anyone. Pretty much all the people I know and love have graduated. I don’t feel like I fit in anymore.