MindWanderings

The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

Archive for the day “March 16, 2013”

Come back common sense, I beg of you.

Don’t flee like a coward when I need you most.  I need you to help me stay grounded.  I’m floating in the skies of dreamy cloud nine.  In the  skies of non-existence.  Please don’t dissipate so readily into those skies like wisps of smoke.  In the skies of what could-be’s if I took action.  Please tell me to think otherwise.  Or make me forget.  No, no.  Actually, don’t do that.  I like him.  But I need to work.  I don’t have time for this today.  Please delay this fountain of emotions and dreams to three days from now.  Much as my human side needs tending to, my studies trump it as of right now and I will be royally screwed if I can’t get this done.  My mind cannot float into the oblivion and throw time out the window like this..

Please..

Troubled & confused.

He deliberately bumped into me after what I’m pretty sure was me fucking up and getting caught staring at him in the previous class although I’m not sure how the hell he caught me from halfway across of the class of 400 students in the lecture hall.  I couldn’t focus on my midterm after that.  He was sitting behind me.  I feel so bad for the people I do this to..  I wish I wasn’t so passive.  And I still doubt myself about recognizing him as the guy from before.  I want to ask so badly if he was the guy from last semester but I’m not sure how to ask without it coming across as really creepy and weird if he wasn’t him or forgot the whole incident (though I doubt he’d forget).

I really do want to say something.  But beyond my passiveness and shyness stopping me.. I found out he’s younger than me by at least a year or two.  I’ve never liked someone younger and wanted to actually pursue it.  Unconventional, does it work?  I don’t know..  maybe I should stop worrying and over-thinking, but I really do think there’s something there from the number of times I seem to run into him..

Aaaand now I’m rambling.  I’ll shut up.  I know the advice I’d give is to go for it.  BUT AHHHH.  IT’S SO MUCH MORE NERVE-WRACKING THAN IT SOUUUUUUUNDS.  I like my list of excuses.  I’m such a girl.

Please.  Calm down, stop beating so rapidly, heart.  You’re making me think irrationally.  I can’t bear it.

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