There’s no way I wouldn’t be face severe consequences if I said some things in life out loud. So instead, I’m going to shout them to the ‘net instead.
What did she do to deserve this. Why did she sentence herself to be with this egotistical man? What the hell drew her to him? When I reflect on her life and what she’s gone through of her own choice, I feel sorry for her. It’s not a life I want. And it’s not my life, I’m a blank slate right now. I have a long lifetime of choices ahead of me. I will learn from her mistakes.
Sometimes.. I wish I could run away. Run far, far away from this life and leave this distant memory as a haze, a faded moment in time. She always asks if I am scared of him. He used to scare me, but no more because I would rather die defending myself than fold in to him and his violence. More than that, I want everyone to know about him. About his ways. I want people to find what I wrote. If I die. I would die to have that happen. I refuse to ever be like him in personality. I vow to be as humble a person as possible, as calm, and as patient and non-judgmental as possible.
In other news, I’m in a sappy sad mood. What to do, what to do. Should I go for it? I should go for it! .. I’m so damn scared. It’s been killing me for days now. Days, weeks, months, literally. But then I always have my argument: I don’t actually know him. I feel insanely shallow.. and insecure. I don’t like being shallow, but I feel like there’s something there. If he doesn’t feel the same way, fuck. Then I truly freaking suck at understanding people.
Song of the day given I’m a sap today: I’m falling for you
Quote of the day: You’re going to suck. You’re going to fuck up. But.. that’s how you learn.