MindWanderings

The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

An anonymous soul’s regrets.

I’m just a face in the crowds.  A soul among souls.  A dot among infinite dots, all hoping to make a mark.

But I’m letting my past hold me back. I’m letting my regrets rule my world:

Sometimes, one of those dots influence me greatly.  Whether in admiration of them, or something more.  And I don’t do anything.  I stand.  I stare in awe.  I let it walk by me and out of my life, unaware.  Yet, I let the godly image stand in my mind, a viral being clutching onto my soul, mesmerizing me.  And I allow this infection to fester.  I let the light of the dot flourish to epic proportions in my imagination, and it takes over my mind.

Years pass.

No longer is it the dot it originally was. It is something more in my mind, it is something of pure imagination and fairy tale at that point.  Except, I’m so drawn in by my thoughts I cannot pull out.  I cannot see reality.  I can only see the incredible image I have projected onto the dot.

And then the day comes when I chance upon the dot again.  Perhaps a mere coincidence, perhaps something more of divine intervention.  Who knows.

Nevertheless.  I realize time changes, time moved forward and gave that godly dot an alternate path from the one I projected onto it.  The years of imagination shed away in an instant, with shock to replace my awe.  My idol is not my idol.  It’s the projection I gave the dot, my imagination of the knight in shining armor, that was the idol I desired as I unwittingly influenced its change in my mind, emphasizing points of greatness, and forgetting the dot’s weakness altogether.  That was an idol of perfection.  This is not.

And thus, I realize my reality and imagination fall on very different frequencies.  And the realization sets in: what else have I missed, have I lost, have I thrown away, by being entrapped in my over-thinking, over-creative mind?  My regrets spiral me further into my mind.  I want none of that.  I want no regrets.  But I take no actions.  I don’t have a need to be a dot that makes a mark anymore.

I simply want to be a dot who is happy and regrets little.  I hope I can do that much.

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