MindWanderings

The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

Depression.

Sometimes, I really feel like just breaking down in tears and giving up.  It’s good I’m not suicidal, cause I feel seriously horrendous, lost, and out of choices.  What the hell am I doing in something I hate so much.  Fuck it all.  I gotta pull through.  I gotta pull through.  I gotta pull through.  I don’t even know what for anymore,  maybe for that bullshit “degree” paper worth less than the paper its printed on.   but I gotta pull through.  I don’t know for who, but I gotta pull through.  One foot at a time.  My brain knows exactly what I need to do to excel– to force love out for the subject and exude a passion non-existant in real life.  To study it, understand it, cram it down my throat, eat it, digest it, and spit it all back out.  To bullshit through these 3-4 years.  And excel at it– applying my new bullshit to actual experiences to advance in the field.  I hope this bullshit gets me somewhere.  If not, I would be happy working at McDonald’s.  
 
It’s not worth it.  Not worth it at all.
 
Sometimes, giving up seems so much easier.  
 
Going to dunk my head in a bucket of Disney songs until I wash away that whiny bitchy fucking amazingly immature kid I’ve become.  And stop swearing.  Brb.
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