Depression.Sometimes, I really feel like just breaking down in tears and giving up. It’s good I’m not suicidal, cause I feel seriously horrendous, lost, and out of choices. What the hell am I doing in something I hate so much. Fuck it all. I gotta pull through. I gotta pull through. I gotta pull through. I don’t even know what for anymore, maybe for that bullshit “degree” paper worth less than the paper its printed on. but I gotta pull through. I don’t know for who, but I gotta pull through. One foot at a time. My brain knows exactly what I need to do to excel– to force love out for the subject and exude a passion non-existant in real life. To study it, understand it, cram it down my throat, eat it, digest it, and spit it all back out. To bullshit through these 3-4 years. And excel at it– applying my new bullshit to actual experiences to advance in the field. I hope this bullshit gets me somewhere. If not, I would be happy working at McDonald’s. It’s not worth it. Not worth it at all. Sometimes, giving up seems so much easier. Going to dunk my head in a bucket of Disney songs until I wash away that whiny bitchy fucking amazingly immature kid I’ve become. And stop swearing. Brb.