The thoughts & ramblings of a young mind

Archive for the month “June, 2012”

Nostalgia; that empty feeling

..when you leave someplace or someone.  Or if someone leaves you.

You know when something usually filled with non-stop work or activities, like school, suddenly ends, and you suddenly fill up with that strange empty feeling?  Like you have a temporary moment in time after which you’ve been doing that activity for so long, that not doing it smothers you with a void that can’t be replaced and a nagging yearning for that consistency to return once again to your life?  I feel like that right now.  I don’t like it.  It makes me feel lost, a bit out of place and time, unadjusted, because I was so well adjusted to the previous schedule that so abruptly stopped and to the people I’d see everyday.

And then your mind progresses to replay the good and bad memories of the experience, toying with your desire to return.  Oh, Mind, why would you torture me so?

It’s odd!  It’s so abstract a feeling.  I’ve never written it out before, but now that I have, I realize I have this feeling every time I part with friends, schools, activities, etc.  It feels like I left a bit behind with them.  It makes me feel a bit sad too but I guess it’s natural for me to feel like a lost soul, forced to find a new niche to get comfortable in.

Today’s post is simple.

Stressed about something?  Well, tell yourself this:

Relax, it is just  ___whatever you’re worried about_____.

Takes on life & [longterm] goals


  • I want to be raw, genuine, sincere, honest conversations by being so myself.  With people who are open to it.
  • be more self-aware


  • I want a tiny home to call my own, only requirement being that it must be a bi-level loft.
  • It needs to be close (best case scenario: within walking distance!) of a skating rink.
  • I cannot live anywhere where skating is a ripoff.  (ie, like $10 entrance fee like San Fran!
  • Needs to be convenient via public transportation.


  • I want to take ___ classes and be certified.
  • something that’s crossed my mind suddenly; maybe it’s possible to have a side job of my hobby while working more mainstream in the area of my degree!  Hmmmm. This idea makes me smile because it’s for myself.  🙂
  • get a good quality DEHYDRATOR!  I love apple chips.   And I’m going to go broke if I don’t start making my own instead of buying.


  • I would like a scooter, not a car.  Because it costs less for one, gas is also much cheaper, it’s more convenient than waiting on buses.. and I’ve always been jealous of the influx of scooters used in Europe.  Do want!


  • Get a full-time job in my degree area
  • I want to have a core full-time job in my chosen field, if not possible, I would not mind several part-time jobs (maybe one career related, one slightly more miscellaneous) + a side business.  I think this may be more realistic given the bleak outlook on jobs today)

My [future] significant other

  • Tell me what you want from the relationship.  I need to know so we’re on clear understanding.  If we can’t see eye to eye and have different wants from the relationship ie, just a fling vs long term, no point in continuing.  I will obviously tell you in return as well.
  • Confidence.  What I mean is.. I like people.. who like themselves.  Because in order to love someone else, I think you need to like yourself first and foremost.  Not to sound conceited, but I do love myself for what I do.  🙂
  • Responsible/committed personality
  • Be able to say sorry and mean it.
  • Be comfortable being yourself, be authentic.
  • Be able to compromise. 
  • Communicate!  Be vulnerable, open, & honest.  I don’t want any secrets that might ruin a relationship.  If you’re unhappy, tell me so.  If you don’t like something I did or disagree with my opinion, tell me & explain yourself.  I do want to listen to what you have to say and I will hear you out.  Don’t be passive aggressive about it and evasively wave it off and tell me to do it my way to appease me or to put off an argument.  You just build up anger inside.  And that’s no good for any person, never mind a relationship.
  • Listen.
  • Give me “me” time to be with friends and do other things.  I do have a life outside of you.
  • I want an equal, well-balanced relationship.  Not someone who sucks up to me.  Just treat me like your equal, like your friend. Meaning, I’m looking for companionship.  Not someone who wants to provide for me like a pampered dog.  I want to be treated with respect & dignity, meaning that I am respected to hold up my end and contribute to my half of the finances or expenses while you do your bit as well.
  • Sincere, empathetic, unassuming, good work ethic, general optimism/happiness, adaptable, grit, reliable, accepting
  • Enjoys deep conversations (2017)
  • Biggest one: has chemistry and holds similar views to me.  Someone who I feel like talking/being together for hours, does not drain me.  Someone I naturally am inclined to want to spend hours and hours with everyday. (2017)
  • Preferably, not long distance.  That shit is tough. 😦 (2017)
  • — and this is where I will confess that no matter how vain and terrible this makes me look.. I do know I have standards I want:
  1. I have to be true to myself: I DO have to like how he looks.  This comes first and foremost.  I mean, model-like, hell no.  But I simply cannot go out with someone who I am repulsed by in looks.  There’s no point in making myself as miserable and stressed as I was.
  2. This is obvious I think, but I am absolutely NOT getting picked up on a bus by a stranger.  Nope.  Don’t even try it.  I’m not falling for it when you make the generic GETTOKNOWYOUin15minsMODE — BOASTMODEtoproveI’mworthy — FRIENDMODE — PRIVATEINFOLEECHwantfacebookphonenumberemail.  I chat like a civil person, and then turn you down when you start asking for personal information.  I’ll prance off, amused.  Sorry dude.  //edit:  oh, holy crap. Talk about the obvious not being obvious to me. I just realized I fell for this even though I swore off it.  Because it was  a friend’s friend. minus the boast mode. crap.crap.crap.
  • Sometimes, I think everyone has a set of standards that make them sound vain so they deny it.  But hey, why else would there be “picking” of a mate?  You might as well marry the next guy you see walking down the street!

..and this will probably be continually updated as I age and turn to a wrinkly prune.  Or not.  Since I have acquired an old-lady style bad memory already.  🙂

Pause & enjoy life

It doesn’t have to be extravagant to make a meaningful fun experience.  Want to have fun with your friends or family on vacation while being frugal?  Try this:

  1. Give each person a budget of $5 each
  2. Assign a partner to each.
  3. Chose a topic (eg.  Item(s) must have letter of partner’s first initial)
  4. Each person must go off to buy something with the topic for their partner while keeping to the budget on their trip.
  5. present it to partner at end.

I love this idea.  So simple yet personalized.

You’re kidding.

Kids these days..

Alright.  Someone tell me what the heck that high school kid saw in me when he decided to hit on me, ask me for my number & facebook on my entire ride home when I was all sweaty and disgusting, wearing an old t-shirt with fresh juice stains all over, raggy old jeans with holes, and warned him of parasites I had on me..  best part after rejection: “I thought we had a connection going!!”


Generation Gap

I hate it.

My parents.  My stubborn, stubborn parents and I do not see eye to eye with most things career & life related.

  • I’m trying to to get experience in MY field.  Instead, my mother believes I’m thinking at too small a scale and should try something generic like OFFICE WORK to boost my resume.  She aspires for me to go abroad to volunteer to do office work at a high end firm just so I can say I went abroad to work.   I think that’s bull.  Unless if that work provides me with additional field work in my areas, then no.  I will not waste my summer by traveling abroad, wasting money, to help someone photocopy their papers.
  • My parents see my weathered hands from working 8+ hours a day, 5 days a week.  My mother is shocked and tells me to take care of them because no one likes weathered hands.  My father stares hard at me and tells me I may want to reconsider my career if it means my hands will look like that.
  • My parents believe I should be getting a boyfriend at my age.  They’ve been very pressing about.  Telling me I’ll die old and alone as threats when they get mad that I don’t listen about this.  They’ve even gone behind my back wondering out loud if I was lying to them, and that, I did in fact have a boyfriend.  What they don’t understand is more than half the people at my age.. don’t even have boyfriends.
  • My father is desperate to quit his $70k+ job because he doesn’t like working.  I would be so happy just making $45k every year with a steady, long term job.  I’m tired, scared, and insecure about my future right now.  And seeing my father throw his career away like that to retire makes me sad.  He can’t appreciate how good a pay that is in today’s time considering he only had a bachelor’s degree and this job was not even related to his degree.

I think they have both completely lost touch with today’s society.

And I think  know I’m super-pessimistic about the job-market and my future.

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